The relationship between motorists and cyclists has been rocky ever since cars joined cyclists on the roadways. There is bad behavior on both sides: cars often pass too close, bicyclists sometimes act as if mere traffic laws do not apply to them and at times the situation deteriorates to the point where things are thrown, fingers are flipped up and the language degrades to cussing and threats. As Rodney King once said, “Can we all just get along?”

One early spring morning, I was out on a run with my group on a narrow residential street. We were so engrossed in our conversation that we were soon spread across the road and didn’t notice a car behind us until he honked his horn. As we scrambled to get out of the way we noticed that he was rudely gesturing with his middle finger. In the moment I seemed to totally channel the Elle Woods persona from Legally Blonde. I smiled widely, enthusiastic waved and mouthed “Hey!” as in “oh, it’s you!” He appeared stunned, perhaps he thought I might be some girl he knew, but couldn’t quite remember.  His hand flipped around and he returned the wave, giving a sheepish grin as he drove off. We laughed about it at the time. But I have since thought that if motorists really thought that pedestrian or cyclist near their car might be an acquaintance, friend or neighbor they would be A LOT nicer.

My dad taught me to give a friendly wave to motorists as they considerately gave me a little extra room on the road while I was out running as a small gesture of “thanks.” As a cyclist, I have continued to try to show friendly gestures of smiles, waves and an exaggerated mouthing of “thanks!” at such places as four-way stops and the like.  I am fully conscious of drivers who might not see me as I come down the street while they contemplate pulling out of the parking lot right into my path. I try to catch their eye with a wave and follow it with another smile. They often smile and wave in return, and I know for sure then, that they won’t be pulling right out in front of me.

I call it “the charm offense,” it’s one way to get out there and win friends and influence drivers to help change their perception of cyclists. Sometimes drivers dehumanize cyclists instead of seeing them as other people sharing the road. When you get in a road rage situation, the cyclist always loses. The only way we can change that adversarial relationship is one person at a time